I feel like I say this an awful lot...but I am tired. What is distressing is that I can't see when I am going to be able to wind down enough to not be tired. Where is that holiday in the sun? When will I not have too much to do? Coupled with my insistence on getting wound up by every tom dick and harry, my protestant work ethic and that gift of 'giving things a chance before you wipe them off' there seems no opportunity for 'time out'.
Anyway, since I last posted I have hardly touched base or seen Mark. As soon as he was back form Wales I went out to Foundation - which was a great service, with sculptures made by Lizzie and a Eucharist led by Paul. I took a friend with me who got a lot out of both the service and being with Foundationers.
Monday we had a day on leadership led by Mark Bailey. I have to say I found the day quite difficult and left with more questions about leadership and 'big churches' than I had had answered - but that's another story. But it was one too many things for me to take on and I really could have done with the day to focus on what is going on this week and get going on that essay that needs to be done by the weekend. I then went to a birthday drink in the evening (I know I didn't have to, but...3 people at College had their birthday on the same day so it seemed reasonable to celebrate.) So, not the early night I needed!
So, why am I wasting time blogging I hear you ask? - well, I reply - I have realised that this is a great way to turn things around, to get things in perspective. A bit like talking to yourself - but actually it is far more than that. I am much sterner with myself when I blog. I give myself a good talking to. When I read this I think 'come on Ellen pull yourself together, this is just stuff that needs doing and you can sort it out. It really isn't that tricky'. I could quite happily imagine I can't manage, somehow imagine myself unable to get it all done. But seeing it reflected on here I take stock and pick myself up and get back on with stuff. I also get a lot out of your comments (both here, on email and in person), I am greatly encouraged by the fact that you read this blog and that you care enough to think about me in your prayers, devotions and meditations (and thanks for the music, cash and love).
Right I am off before little tears come out my eyes and I lose the focus. xxx
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2 comments:
Great stuff this!
You’re probably right, you might mention the words “I am tired” quite often… but actually I’m always left amazed at your ENERGY! I love that you’re able to express yourself in the way you do and, yes, I firmly believe that “putting it into words” is a great way of getting things into perspective. There have been times (like this one) when I almost read your blog as a prayer. It also gives people like me a kick up the backside from time to time (as well as making me laugh out loud!). We’ve probably only met a dozen times or so but, being a regular reader of your blog, I count you as a very good friend who I feel I know quite well!! Keep at it girl! God bless+hugs x
thanks steve. Now the tears have come out my eyes. Blessings brother. xxx
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