the weekend

Mark is feeling really rubbish and I am at the end of my energy levels. I can't believe we are feeling so knackered. Most of our recent arguments have been about who is going to say in bed longest and who is or isn't taking up the slack. Both too preoccupied and in survival mode to really take the other's burdens. So, getting to Saturday afternoon without some major bust up feels like medals need to be awarded.

Yesterday Eva and I went to the zoo with Andy Dix and Bill (his 18month old boy). We had a great time...I loved the penguins and the hippo's and we saw the seals being fed. You really could spend hours in the zoo just staring at the caged animals. When you go with a different person you get a whole new perspective on it. This time we spent a lot longer in the reptile house and aquarium. Eva was fantastic with Bill an they had a great time inspecting the animals and giggling at stuff that was almost impossible to find funny (but it somehow was). Eva is great with smaller children, she is so patient and kind, and finds them very amusing.

The thing I hate most about the zoo is that you can't leave without going through the gift shop. This half-term has cost me a fortune - partly because my will to say no to Eva's demands has been so low but also because I am constantly faced with toys, sweets and tat everywhere I go and it is made very difficult for me to say no. Anyway, I got away with buying some butterflies made of plastic (£1.50) so it wasn't too bad. they really sell some rubbish as well. Loads of nasty plastic stuff. hey ho.


Last night I went out with Jenny Low to a Fresh Expression - The Lighthouse in Hartcliffe, Bristol. It was very interesting to see how this group spends time together and talk about their faith. They meet once a week and share a meal they might watch a video or share stories. I really enjoyed spending time with them and hearing about the group and their individual concerns.

Today I took Eva to dancing then popped over to the New Place to a table top sale - Eva was give £5 and she spent the lot on a bag, make-up, small toys and jewellery. Mark and I had cheese and ham toasties and chatted to Emma, Charity and Tara. We then went on to the Shirehampton craft fare because I said I would have a look at some work that a woman from church had submitted. It was one too may chores for me today and I got very upset about a car pulling out in front of me. Just all a bit too much. So here I am back at home trying to explain why things aren't going as well as they might but not really finding any solutions. I guess I give these things to God, try my best not to let it spill over into my relationships with others and try to undo whatever it may be that is underlying all this anxiety.

Tomorrow we are off to Liverpool for a few days. Perhaps the break away from Bristol will do me good. Get a perspective on all this and shift it on. I hope so.