liverpool

I have and a few very busy days in Liverpool sorting stuff out, meeting people and trying to not get too homesick. We got here on Sunday and decided to stay with Andrea because Paula has very kindly given us her flat. Monday was spent with Sara talking about my PhD. I think we sorted a few things out and although there is still lots of work to do on the draft we agreed that I was in a good position to submit ahead of the new revised schedule. Monday evening we had a great dinner at Bob and Sue's house and Andy Del' came over so it was good to see all of them and have a chat. Today I have been to Everton to check out some stuff about the curacy and go to a few community meetings. I also checked out a school for Eva - it is very promising. Tomorrow we are all going back and Eva can meet her potential new teacher. I am at Matt and Kate's house now - the kids have got back from trampolining and I hope Eva is worn out and can get an early night. I don't know what we are going to do next. Food, chat and bed I suspect. Mark is at a dress rehearsal for the lantern festival so I need to find him and probably get him warmed up and dried out. It is all go here I tell you.

I might well not get to blog until Thursday...hope you can wait till then for more news?

the weekend

Mark is feeling really rubbish and I am at the end of my energy levels. I can't believe we are feeling so knackered. Most of our recent arguments have been about who is going to say in bed longest and who is or isn't taking up the slack. Both too preoccupied and in survival mode to really take the other's burdens. So, getting to Saturday afternoon without some major bust up feels like medals need to be awarded.

Yesterday Eva and I went to the zoo with Andy Dix and Bill (his 18month old boy). We had a great time...I loved the penguins and the hippo's and we saw the seals being fed. You really could spend hours in the zoo just staring at the caged animals. When you go with a different person you get a whole new perspective on it. This time we spent a lot longer in the reptile house and aquarium. Eva was fantastic with Bill an they had a great time inspecting the animals and giggling at stuff that was almost impossible to find funny (but it somehow was). Eva is great with smaller children, she is so patient and kind, and finds them very amusing.

The thing I hate most about the zoo is that you can't leave without going through the gift shop. This half-term has cost me a fortune - partly because my will to say no to Eva's demands has been so low but also because I am constantly faced with toys, sweets and tat everywhere I go and it is made very difficult for me to say no. Anyway, I got away with buying some butterflies made of plastic (£1.50) so it wasn't too bad. they really sell some rubbish as well. Loads of nasty plastic stuff. hey ho.


Last night I went out with Jenny Low to a Fresh Expression - The Lighthouse in Hartcliffe, Bristol. It was very interesting to see how this group spends time together and talk about their faith. They meet once a week and share a meal they might watch a video or share stories. I really enjoyed spending time with them and hearing about the group and their individual concerns.

Today I took Eva to dancing then popped over to the New Place to a table top sale - Eva was give £5 and she spent the lot on a bag, make-up, small toys and jewellery. Mark and I had cheese and ham toasties and chatted to Emma, Charity and Tara. We then went on to the Shirehampton craft fare because I said I would have a look at some work that a woman from church had submitted. It was one too may chores for me today and I got very upset about a car pulling out in front of me. Just all a bit too much. So here I am back at home trying to explain why things aren't going as well as they might but not really finding any solutions. I guess I give these things to God, try my best not to let it spill over into my relationships with others and try to undo whatever it may be that is underlying all this anxiety.

Tomorrow we are off to Liverpool for a few days. Perhaps the break away from Bristol will do me good. Get a perspective on all this and shift it on. I hope so.

thursday

A day of chores. Went to the dump with plastic bottles, printer cartridge, some clothes and a lightbulb - all for recycling. Felt so good about myself that Eva and I went to Westbury-on Trym to eat toasted teacakes (it is becoming an obsession of ours to find the perfect teacakes and there is a great cafe in Westbury that sells very big ones that they cook in a muffin press and they serve them with big portions of butter which you are allowed to spread yourself. The tea is very good as well, it is made with tea leaves which are brewed in a special cup and you are given a 3 minute timer so it brewed to perfection; but Eva has tap water). We also went to explore the charity shops - I got 2 books and a pot (for potpori), Eva got a spinning top and a pair of jeans.

We then went to Cribs to look at macbooks in John Lewis. am thinking of getting one and they do 2 year warranties on electrical products as standard so it was worth looking. the jury is still out on the whole project. I am scared to spend the money even though I have saved up and my Mum says she'll help me out (as a 40th birthday pressie). Now the leopard opertating system has come out (actually it is launched tomorrow) I think I might wait just a bit longer and see what happens (3 weeks might do it - just in time for my birthday).

Having got Mark (who has got a nasty cold) from work at 3pm we went to Sainsburys for supplies, came home read magazines and chilled out. I ate too much popcorn and watched TV. Mark retired to bed early with his sore head. I think I might try to do some college work tomorrow but I might have to wait and see how Mark feels - if he is to ill the is no point in me leaving him on his own with Eva.

So, that's another holiday day done. I am starting to relax but it is nearly over. We are off to Liverpool on Sunday for a few days. Sort some things out: see Sara about my PhD draft (might call it my daft PhD now!), see a school for Eva, me go to visit the curacy parish and go to the lantern carnival. I just hope I don't get Mark's cold.

wednesday

mark went to London today at 6.30am - I know that he left because when he turned on the car (is that what you say....no you say started the car don't you!) he had left the stereo on so loud when he last drove it that it actually woke me up - I was asleep in the bedroom in the attic - he is such a ghetto boy, listening to techno at full pelt waking the street at 6.30am. The shame. I tried to roll over and go back to sleep but it just wouldn't happen. So, that blew the lie in! I had breakie in bed, read my bible (trying to make it though Acts before college starts again), read a Grove Booklet on Preaching as Dialogue then Eva came in to ask for breakfast at 8am. So, that was the day started.

having read a bit more, fallen asleep again for 1/2 hour and realised Eva was watching some really rubbish Bratz film I decided we needed a project - so we spring cleaned the house. We had a great time and it was good having someone small to get to do all the nooks and crannies below knee height. She was a great help. having got the whole house done in record time we ahd lunch then Liz H came round to chew the cud. We chewed for quite a while then went out to the co-op for tea cakes, came back ate tea cakes and chewed more cud. I made pork stew for dinner while Liz was here. After Liz went (around 6.15pm) I made Eva tea, hung he washing out and then played on facebook for a while. Mark came back, we ate tea, watched some tv, Eva went to bed and then I realised that I was shattered so here I am writing stuff then getting ready for my bed. I really need to get a good night's sleep and wake up to go to the zoo tomorrow. I also need to but some sort of bowl for potpori (that's very interesting isn't it) and I shall probably make some cakes for the One25.

So, that's my day...what have you been doing?

Does God Play Football

Adrian Jones sent me a link to this film Directed by Michael Walker. If you haven't seen it you really should take a look. It is only 10mins long and is great. The Britfilms info on it says:

Set in and around a small Yorkshire village in the middle sixties. Tommy is a seven year old boy from a single parent home and as a result finds both himself and his mother alienated from those around them. In a bid to compensate Tommy has filled in the emotional gaps in his life by believing that God is his dad and therefore he must be like Jesus Christ, which is of course why they are treated differently to everyone else.

Anyway, if you want to take a look go to Britfilms - you need to scroll down to the bottom and choose your viewing format.

not busy

Today has been quite restful. Apart from the on-going irritation about the suspension from Uni of Liverpool I am doing ok. Had a great lie in this morning while Mum and Eva played Uno and watched TV. After lunch we went to Tyntesfield House. This is a National Trust property which was purchased by the trust in 2002. It was a great afternoon, I can recommend it especially if you like late nineteenth century gothic interiors.

I made a giant lasagne for tea because we have a house full - Joe has come over from Bath, Elise brought her boyfriend Wayne over and Mark was very hungry. We had garlic bread which was just fantastic. Garlic bread has to be one of the most tasty things in the whole world. We watched TV then I gave up - I am starting to relax and when that happens all I want t do is sleep...so having done a few chores I am not off to my bed. Before I go I must just tell you about Mark and I's James Blunt moment. We don't really know what to do with our feelings about him any more, it was so easy before, but they have been compromised by this:

busy

As the half term break rushed toward me I found myself very busy. Very busy indeed. So,dear reader I must update you with some of the details. I was on survival mode at college last week. Just trying to get over 'the lump' - I can report that it has gone down quite a lot and when I saw the doctor on Friday he didn't look as worried but did still want to see me again next week. That's ok, I have to say it really has gone done quite a a lot and my arm isn't as tingly - so that's good. I am going to try to do some resting this half term. Not quite sure when but I plan to have at least one lie-in and a few early nights.

My plan to cut down on worrying about stuff was thwarted by some irritating news from The University of Liverpool - the powers that be have decided that despite negotiations with my supervisor her decision to allow me to be registered there as well as at Bristol Uni now has to be reversed. So, I have been suspended! It isn't as bad as it sounds and in fact will mean I have more time before I submit but nevertheless it is very stressful. My supervisor and I have spent a lot of time over the weekend putting a good spin on this and have rationalised the situation but on Friday I was gutted and very very angry (It would have been useful if they has spotted this earlier and reversed the decision in a more generous way - an email informing me of the decision was not the best way to find out - but, hey ho!).
I had a few Trinity friends over on Friday night which was the best way to take my mind off it. We had a great time. I felt very relaxed and chilled. A good start to the holidays.

Since then I have (amongst other things) been to an internment of ashes of a much loved parishioner at St Peter's Lawrence Western, taken Eva to dancing at the Rock, been to tea with Jenny Low (Vicar at Lawrence Western), and watched Strictly Come Dancing with Eva - our favourites are Alesha Dixon and Matthew Cutler. Their jive was fantastic - Here it is:


I went to church this morning and my Mum arrived shortly after we got back. She is here for a few days - and I won't lose her! She is downstairs having a little sleep on the sofa, Mark is Making Sunday dinner and Eva and Elise are playing nicely (I think they are skipping). So, all is well. I hope we can get a break from stuff and just get on with being a family over the ext few days. I really feel like we need some time out. If you get a moment and could pop us in your prayers that would very much appreciated.

Anyway, I thought I would share some of the music that has captivated us in the lest few weeks. The Lovely, if not a bit odd, Roisin Murphy's new album is a triumph. She never fails to impress.



We have been enjoying the Radiohead Album, In Rainbows - which we paid £3 for (This is not enough because it is very good) This is a track, Jigsaw Falling Into Place, to listen to - no video.


Kate Nash - Mouthwash. As Bridget Shepherd points out, proves that the themes of Psalm 139 are alive and kicking in popular culture. Loving it.


That's it for mow. Lets get on with it. xxx

lump

If you have just tuned in you may not know that I have had an abscess on my neck (though I have made enough fuss about it I find it difficult to imagine why it hasn't been on the 6 o'clock news). Anyway, I have taken a few days off college to try to kick it into touch. Good news = it isn't so angry looking and sore; bad news = the doctor game me another load of antibiotics and I had a terrible reaction to them (palpitations, ringing in my head, heart racing, bad tummy) so I had to stop taking them. He also thinks it may take a long time for the swelling to go down so I am stuck with a lump the size of a medium potato (the sort of potato that would make a good jacket supper - but not a greedy one).

Anyway, I have come back to college because I have an essay to hand in (I bravely wrote it whilst on my sick bed!). Also, we are playing a game in pastoral group (a group of 12 students meet once a week with a couple of tutors to talk about stuff, have fun and do some spiritual things). The game started 2 weeks ago and today it should end. I want to be there for the end.

Today is our wedding anniversary - 9 years of wedded bliss (don't laugh - most of it has been blissful). So, tonight we are hoping to go out for a meal. When I was young and felt a bit under the weather so wanted to take the day off school my Mum used to say to me that if I wanted to go out in the evening (to Brownies or the like) I would have to go to school in the day. There must be some echo of this maternal law still in operation because this morning I was thinking perhaps I'll take another day to rest my lump, but then thought - no, if I want to go out for dinner with Mark I will have to go to college first! Oh, how these life patterns are laid out for us at an early age. Let that be a lesson to us all.

i thought I'd lost my mum

It has been a bit of a full on emotional roller-coaster of a weekend. I have an abscess on my neck which is now so big it is pressing on a nerve and sending tingles down my arm and up my face and head. I am taking antibiotics but they are grim and I just want to crawl into hole in the ground until it gets better. But unfortunately that wasn't possible because I had my first preach this morning at Christ the King, Bradley Stoke. I have to say I did feel a bit self conscious with my abscess but hey ho. The most amazing thing was that despite my nerves and the fear it was ok. I felt very close to God and very loved. I have no idea if I am going to be any good at preaching - at the moment I would say the jury is out on that one - but I dislike it less this evening than I did last night.

Anyway, as well as the abscess and the preach I also had the stress of think I had lost my mum - by which I mean I couldn't find her. Since my Dad died she and I phone each other nearly every day and I thought we knew each others movements. However, this week I spoke to her on Monday but despite my calling her each night she didn't call me back. I was beginning to worry so called my brother who didn't where she might be. So, I called my Auntie Susan who believe me knows everything that is going on everywhere. For some reason my mother's whereabouts alluded also her. So, we sent out search parties. Aunties Susan went over to her flat and broke in using the (not so) secret key. Eventually she found a neighbour who told her that my mum had gone for a sewing holiday week! I have absolutely no recollection of my mother telling me about this sewing holiday...but I do have a nasty infection so she may have informed me during a fever and I forgot (but I really don't think that is what happened). Oh how the tables have turned. Not long ago my mother would chastise me for not letting her know where I was. Now it's me who is the nag. But seeing as she had a minor heart attack just over a month ago I think it is perfectly reasonable for me to be a bit anxious. Suddenly Virginia Water seemed a long way from Bristol...how much further it is from Liverpool - It has made me think about how to plan Mum into our move back. It needs careful thought and prayer.

one end of the week, or the other.

It has been an interesting week of hearing about people's church leadership styles. There certainly is a lot of diversity in the church of England. I love diversity. I think is what makes life interesting but it seems to be something that the church is finding particularly difficult to deal with at the moment. In the course of the last year it feels like more and more groups of people, churches and types of churches have become more separatist in their approach. Rather than celebrating diversity in congregations it seems that many people have chosen to gather with like minded people and form what might be referred to as 'religious gangs'. This doesn't seem to me to be very useful in terms of offering an alternative to dominant world views. Anyway, I haven't been invited to the Lambeth Conference so I can't ask the Bishops what an earth is going on...But it feels like us little people are getting swamped by the BIG arguments of a few men. And now it appears that those who have been invited have the arrogance to turn the opportunity to talk about these issues down. How does that happen? How do people who are supposed to represent the diversity of the Anglican Communion get to the point where they think the can think it is ok to just not turn up to stuff like this? It beggars belief. I am taking a course at Trinity on Galatians and I have realised the intensity of Paul's feelings about the Jerusalem Church's hold on the early Christian Church. He was really cross (understatement) about how things were panning out in terms of their power and influence on the 'right' way to be Christian. He challenged this power and wrote very strong letters expressing his feelings. BUT he never stopped talking to those he disagreed with. He always kept up the dialogue.

Anyway, Dave Walker has drawn an amusing cartoon called 'Why everyone should go to the Lambeth Conference' - it takes the edge off the bitter taste...



Also Bishop Alan Wilson writes far more articulately about why he IS going to Lambeth.

By the way - if you are not a Christian and you have read this I am so sorry that we don't always offer you credible alternatives to world views. Please don't think that this is a fair representation of Christianity - Jesus is so much better than us, really honest.

my clothes fitted this morning

Is it me or do clothes fit better in the morning? They seemed to look ok when I first put them on and now they feel all tight and awkward. Do I get fatter as the day progresses or is it that as I move about they bumfle up and become oddly ill-fitting? I would love to hear from anyone with similar experiences.

no post

I don't know about you but I am finding it odd to not have post...

I don't get very many handwritten letters (and to be honest I don't send very many) but there is always the possibility of special post isn't there? I do have some books on the way from Amazon and an insurance cover note that I could do with having - just in case. I am not missing the junk mail though.

I have just had a thought...I wonder if this is what God thinks of our prayer? What if there is was 'prayer strike'? The sign would say - 'for industrial reasons all prayer boxes will be sealed after midnight, please seek alternative means of contacting God'. What sort of prayer would God miss? The junk mail (those mail shots that are sent out to sell our ideas to God), the insurance cover prayer (to cover our lives against disaster), bank statement prayers (i.e. how much have I got left in the prayer bank to withdraw some prayer cover now), or the handwritten prayer - written in best?

Anyway, I need most of the post I get (in all its variety) and I am missing it...

how many times have I said I am tired?

I feel like I say this an awful lot...but I am tired. What is distressing is that I can't see when I am going to be able to wind down enough to not be tired. Where is that holiday in the sun? When will I not have too much to do? Coupled with my insistence on getting wound up by every tom dick and harry, my protestant work ethic and that gift of 'giving things a chance before you wipe them off' there seems no opportunity for 'time out'.

Anyway, since I last posted I have hardly touched base or seen Mark. As soon as he was back form Wales I went out to Foundation - which was a great service, with sculptures made by Lizzie and a Eucharist led by Paul. I took a friend with me who got a lot out of both the service and being with Foundationers.

Monday we had a day on leadership led by Mark Bailey. I have to say I found the day quite difficult and left with more questions about leadership and 'big churches' than I had had answered - but that's another story. But it was one too many things for me to take on and I really could have done with the day to focus on what is going on this week and get going on that essay that needs to be done by the weekend. I then went to a birthday drink in the evening (I know I didn't have to, but...3 people at College had their birthday on the same day so it seemed reasonable to celebrate.) So, not the early night I needed!

So, why am I wasting time blogging I hear you ask? - well, I reply - I have realised that this is a great way to turn things around, to get things in perspective. A bit like talking to yourself - but actually it is far more than that. I am much sterner with myself when I blog. I give myself a good talking to. When I read this I think 'come on Ellen pull yourself together, this is just stuff that needs doing and you can sort it out. It really isn't that tricky'. I could quite happily imagine I can't manage, somehow imagine myself unable to get it all done. But seeing it reflected on here I take stock and pick myself up and get back on with stuff. I also get a lot out of your comments (both here, on email and in person), I am greatly encouraged by the fact that you read this blog and that you care enough to think about me in your prayers, devotions and meditations (and thanks for the music, cash and love).

Right I am off before little tears come out my eyes and I lose the focus. xxx

harvest

This weekend is St Peter's, Lawrence Western harvest supper (which was tonight) and Harvest Sunday service (tomorrow). Many Trinity people have gone to the New Forest for the Trinity College weekend away but I thought I should stay here to help with St Peter's stuff. I am very pleased I did because I have met some really amazing people today who are doing volunteer work at the Rock (the community centre that is next to the church). I was very impressed with the amount of work they put in to doing events for the older people in Lawrence Western - particularly providing lunches and special dinners such as today's harvest supper. Though I am not sure it would be appreciated by anyone outside their age group it was great to see them having such a good time together. This is one of the biggest issues for the church community there - the people who go have known each other for 40-50 years, they are a tight group, they have particular ways of doing things - how will new people fit into this? How will new things happen? How will younger people or families fit into their patterns? Anyway, I am not full up with quiche, potatoes and ham as well as apple pie and chocolate swiss roll. So, I am happy enough. But cakes and chitter chatter doesn't appeal to everyone.

I have put Eva to bed and am thinking about going to my bed myself. Mark is away in Wales with Lisa and Aide - they have been up a mountain! Elise is off out with her new boyfriend - Wayne. So, I don't have to be awake to talk to anyone. I have to be up for church at 9.30am so I should really get an early night to my body feels like it has had a lie in. I have the paper to read and a chapter in the Lawrence Western local history book to finish. So, that'll send me off nicely.




If you don't know who to give your harvest offering to this year can I suggest Farm Africa. FARM-Africa is an international non-governmental organisation that aims to reduce poverty in eastern and South Africa. They work in partnership with marginal farmers and herders, helping them to manage their natural resources more effectively and build sustainable livelihoods on their land.

election?

Tonight I was accused of being political. A reasonable accusation and one for which I had no defence. I wonder if it was meant as an insult? To be honest I was flattered that it had been noticed. It just goes to show that challenging discourse has its advantages. Anyway, when I got home after my lecture on Paul's letter to the Galatians - where we discussed the pros and cons of Paul's perspective on gentile circumcision (I am sure you can guess why I was accused of being political now!!!). I sat down and watched Newsnight...After hearing the debate I have decided that by Tues night next week we might know if there may be an election by Christmas! Dave Walker sums it up:



watch this space...

blog awards - the tv series

Dave Walker has posted Premier TV's coverage of the blog awards...If you are interested in all of the links do go to Dave Walker's blog - if you would like to see the handing over of the award to re:jesus then follow the link here.






While you are on Premier you might like to look at some of their programmes - they have a film about Cross and the Switchblade which is quite an interesting look back at the film. It was a seminal film for me as a young Christian along with Thief in the Night - which Ikon are featuring in one of their events on 7th Oct. Both scared me senseless. Their evangelistic positive was definitely cancelled out by the fear they produced. I actually remember seeing Thief in the Night one evening on a Christian house party and having to phone my Mum to ask her to come and get me because I was so scared. She didn't come. But hey ho. I wonder how many other people had a similar experience?

Burma crisis

You may well have heard the news today about the concern for Buddhist monks who appear to have gone missing in Burma. It seems that the situation may have gotten a lot worse than we thought. Amnesty have released this press statement. If you can take a moment to take this action then please do.