Mark's crisis of doubt

I was recently asked about the nature of my blog - I was asked the question - is it theological? I wonder if it is possible for anyone who has faith to do anything that isn't theological? Surely, if I am living a life of faith then everything I do is about God - is an exploration of God, is an expression of my understanding of God? I guess one of the things that is happening to me is that the chasm between the secular and the sacred is being filled in. I don't see my life as being one or the other. I am an ordinary person who does ordinary things with God in the middle of them.

But, it isn't just me and God. It is me, my family, my friends, my community(ies). I am not alone, I am not free to make decisions about the future alone. I am attached to people who are attached to me, and we help each other to move through the world. When Mark and I decided that coming to Bristol, going to Trinity, leaving Liverpool was what we should do together, as a family, I am not sure we knew what to expect. I had faith. I don't know what made it ok for Mark. Today he has posted something on his blog that I think helps me to understand a bit about what is going on for him. he is having a 'crisis of doubt'.

blair and bush

first love



thanks to James for this.

da shatner funk

this is not for the faint hearted. It is the Shatner funk. Enjoy.

music

Linkin Park - What I have done

I am not sure what terrible thing Linkin Park have done - if the horrors of this video are any indication it must be quite bad. Anyway, as they say 'let mercy come'.



Rufus Wainwright - Going to a Town

When gay men get cross they make good music.

guy catches glasses with face

the fact that people have actually made this film fills me with hope for humanity. Pure irrelevance.

things God doesn't do...

smoke fags

slow worms

here is a picture of some slow worms that are living in our garden. I find them a bit freaky - too much like snakes. But aparently:

'Slow worms look superficially like snakes, but are actually legless lizards. One way to identify them is that unlike snakes, lizards (and therefore slow worms) have eyelids.'

In this picture our slow worms are having sex. Nice.

hair

I did this on Monday during an essay writing session - had to wait for inspiration so decided to play 'hair dressers'. I am very pleased with the results. Despite the fact that I am nearly 40 I am quiet scared of what my Mum is going to say. The last time I did this she was 'disappointed' and I think that she assumes that since I have started at Vicar School I have grown out of this sort of thing. Well, she is looking after Eva next week so I will have to deal with her disappointment very soon. Unless I wear a hat or get Mark to go instead of me.

I have enjoyed my red haired week. Although there have been a few set backs - mainly due to my inability to concentrate. I am really tired and am finding it hard to muster up any inspiration - thus essay writing is quite tricky. I am beig a bit distracting and might need to removed from my study - I am sure Liz needs to get on with some work too.

Anyway, one essay more (3,000 words on the pastoral care of people with depression) my learning file (5,000ish words), a report for a college committee and my dissertation proposal. Not much then! Got 10 days to do it in though. hey ho.

books what I have read...

Thanks to farli for the list and the inspiration:
Books in bold are ones I've read.
Any in bold with an asterisk (*) are ones I've tried to read but failed so far.
Books in italics are ones already on my to-read list before today.
Books in normal print are ones I'm not interested in (perhaps some of you can convince me one of these is a must-read!)

1. The DaVinci Code (Dan Brown) - I will never read this book!
2. Pride and Prejudice (Jane Austen)
3. To Kill A Mockingbird (Harper Lee) - first proper book I read
4. Gone With The Wind (Margaret Mitchell) - had to read it at school
5. The Lord of the Rings: Return of the King (Tolkien)*
6. The Lord of the Rings: Fellowship of the Ring (Tolkien)*
7. The Lord of the Rings: Two Towers (Tolkien)
8. Anne of Green Gables (L.M. Montgomery)
9. Outlander (Diana Gabaldon) Known as 'Cross Stitch' in the UK.
10. A Fine Balance (Rohinton Mistry)
11. Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire (Rowling)
12. Angels and Demons (Dan Brown) - no more about Dan Brown please
13. Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix (Rowling) - now the films are out I have lost inspiration for Harry Potter reading.
14. A Prayer for Owen Meany (John Irving)
15. Memoirs of a Geisha (Arthur Golden)
16. Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone (Rowling)
17. Fall on Your Knees (Ann-Marie MacDonald)
18. The Stand (Stephen King)
19. Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban (Rowling)
20. Jane Eyre (Charlotte Bronte)
21. The Hobbit (Tolkien)
22. The Catcher in the Rye (J.D. Salinger)
23. Little Women (Louisa May Alcott)
24. The Lovely Bones (Alice Sebold)
25. Life of Pi (Yann Martel)
26. The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy (Douglas Adams)
27. Wuthering Heights (Emily Bronte)
28. The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe (C. S. Lewis)
29. East of Eden (John Steinbeck)
30. Tuesdays with Morrie (Mitch Albom)
31. Dune (Frank Herbert)
32. The Notebook (Nicholas Sparks)
33. Atlas Shrugged (Ayn Rand)
34. 1984 (Orwell) - one of my fav' books
35. The Mists of Avalon (Marion Zimmer Bradley)
36. The Pillars of the Earth (Ken Follett)
37. The Power of One (Bryce Courtenay)
38. I Know This Much is True (Wally Lamb)
39. The Red Tent (Anita Diamant)
40. The Alchemist (Paulo Coelho)
41. The Clan of the Cave Bear (Jean M. Auel)
42. The Kite Runner (Khaled Hosseini)
43. Confessions of a Shopaholic (Sophie Kinsella)
44. The Five People You Meet In Heaven (Mitch Albom)
45. The Bible - still doing this one
46. Anna Karenina (Tolstoy)*
47. The Count of Monte Cristo (Alexandre Dumas)
48. Angela’s Ashes (Frank McCourt)
49. The Grapes of Wrath (John Steinbeck)
50. She’s Come Undone (Wally Lamb)
51. The Poisonwood Bible (Barbara Kingsolver)
52. A Tale of Two Cities (Dickens)
53. Ender’s Game (Orson Scott Card)
54. Great Expectations (Dickens)
55. The Great Gatsby (Fitzgerald) - love it
56. The Stone Angel (Margaret Laurence)
57. Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets (Rowling) - I think I read this one - lost track now
58. The Thorn Birds (Colleen McCullough)
59. The Handmaid’s Tale (Margaret Atwood)
60. The Time Traveller’s Wife (Audrew Niffenegger)
61. Crime and Punishment (Fyodor Dostoyevsky)
62. The Fountainhead (Ayn Rand)
63. War and Peace (Tolstoy)* - never going to try read it again
64. Interview With The Vampire (Anne Rice)
65. Fifth Business (Robertson Davis)
66. One Hundred Years Of Solitude (Gabriel Garcia Marquez) - read this when I had insomnia
67. The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants (Ann Brashares)
68. Catch-22 (Joseph Heller)
69. Les Miserables (Hugo)* - great musical (got stuck on the book - perhaps I should have tried to read it in English?)
70. The Little Prince (Antoine de Saint-Exupery)
71. Bridget Jones’ Diary (Fielding)
72. Love in the Time of Cholera (Marquez)
73. Shogun (James Clavell)
74. The English Patient (Michael Ondaatje)
75. The Secret Garden (Frances Hodgson Burnett)
76. The Summer Tree (Guy Gavriel Kay)
77. A Tree Grows in Brooklyn (Betty Smith)
78. The World According to Garp (John Irving)
79. The Diviners (Margaret Laurence)
80. Charlotte's Web (E.B. White)
81. Not Wanted On The Voyage (Timoth Findley)
82. Of Mice And Men (Steinbeck)
83. Rebecca (Daphne DuMaurier)
84. Wizard’s First Rule (Terry Goodkind)
85. Emma (Jane Austen)
86. Watership Down (Richard Adams)
87. Brave New World (Aldous Huxley)
88. The Stone Diaries (Carol Shields)
89. Blindness (Jose Saramago)
90. Kane and Abel (Jeffrey Archer)
91. In The Skin Of A Lion (Ondaatje)
92. Lord of the Flies (Golding)
93. The Good Earth (Pearl S. Buck)
94. The Secret Life of Bees (Sue Monk Kidd)
95. The Bourne Identity (Robert Ludlum)
96. The Outsiders (S.E. Hinton)
97. White Oleander (Janet Fitch)
98. A Woman of Substance (Barbara Taylor Bradford)
99. The Celestine Prophecy (James Redfield)
100. Ulysses (James Joyce)

some music

Patti Smith - Smells Like Teen Spirit



Sufjan Stevens - To Be Alone With You

barbie vs bratz

Mark has been in Liverpool this weekend. Some family business he needed to attend to! Anyway, that left Eva and I to do whatever we liked here. I liked to lie in bed and Eva liked to play with her new friend Shanola who lives across the road and to design barbie stuff on the computer. If there is someone in your house who likes Barbie and is allowed to play on the computer then I can recommend Barbie.com. Eva recently had a turn out of her Barbies and is now focused on developing a family of Bratz. I have to say I prefer Bratz - apart from the fact that in order to change their shoes you have to take their feet off as well - they are quite pleasing dolls. They have very big heads and rather striking features. But they are quite good to play with. They have great clothes and Eva does very interesting American voices for them.

I tried to watch the most boring FA cup final ever yesterday but ended up going into town - where it was nice and quiet - hardly any boys about...Today, we just did 'stuff' - visited people, got a new duvet cover and sat about. I think I might be ready to write an essay now.

old girls

I finally got round to sorting out the pictures of our trip to Cowbridge for the St Davids School South Wales reunion. Here is one of Eva (not an old girl), me and my Mum - two old girls and one potential new one (except Mark has ruled out Eva going to St Davids because he can't bear the thought of her being a border and being away from us for whole terms. I am inclined to agree - also even with the old girl discount there is no way we would be able to afford the fees (apart from the ideological issues).

Jerry Falwell

I read in the news today that Jerry Falwell has died. You can read his obituary here. It is tricky when someone that you have so many issues with dies. I didn't want him to die, but I have to say I did want him to stop speaking. His influence was uncomfortable and unpleasant. As a Christian I was embarrassed by him and felt resentful that I was often asked to justify why such men are allowed to have power and able to hijack Christ. I have no idea why he was able to say the things he said. You may be interested in some of his most memorable quotes - if so click under the picture of Jerry.

I have often tried to communicate with Jerry Falwell and ask him myself why he was so angry, so accusatory, and needed so much money. My last letter I posted here. But, I won't get a letter back from him now. I wonder if he is in heaven shouting at Jesus that the Antichrist is a Jew, that there is no such thing as global warning and that Tinky Winky was really gay?

ps As far as I know Tinky Winky has not denied being gay. His sexuality is not a problem for most of us. But for Jerry these things mattered.

shambo

I wonder if anyone has been following the story of Shambo that have peppered the press lately? It appears that following his apparently positive test for TB the Hindu sacred cow might have to be slaughtered. If you are interested in the ongoing story and want to know how Shambo (told in his own words) gets on - go to the Skanda Vale website - there is even a Shambo webcam.

eurovision

I haven't quite recovered from it yet. My Mum, Eva and I spent the evening in the Bear Hotel, Cowbridge watching it as poor Eva become more and more exhausted. There was a wedding in the next room and the TV had to be very loud to be heard over the band. Armed with my score card - provided by Phil - we rated each song (Latvia got our combined 12 points - I wasn't sure but Eva insisted), Mum and I supped wine and nibbled. Mum was asleep by song 19, Eva asleep during the break between songs and scores. I missed Phil so much and really wanted to go round to his on Sunday to debrief and watch it all again without interruption. Hey ho.

eurovision

Last night was the semi finals and it was a bit of a shock really. Not at all what Phil J and I expected. I was particularly surprised by the vampire loving Swiss failure to qualify - thought that was in the bag!

No to Swiss (though to be honest I wasn't sure about it the first place - don't believe in Vampires, certainly not Swiss ones)



My favourite Eastern European tune to get through last night was the Georgia entry sung by Georgia Sopho - Visionary Dream. Sort of cross between Madonna and Bjork



Anyway, I am going to be in Wales at a St David's School reunion with my Mum (and Eva). So, we will watching it in the Bear Hotel in Cowbridge. My Mum and I are both 'Old Girls' and we have decided to go to the South Wales Reunion Lunch at the Bear tomorrow. I will let you know how we get on...

not broken

When I woke up this morning the bruising on my toe was much better, the swelling reduced and I was able to move it again. I am thinking it is not broken. Thank goodness for arnica and prayer. It is still quite sore but I think I won't need to seek medical help. Thanks so much for all your messages (here and elsewhere).

clumsy

I am well known for my clumsiness. I become double clumsy when tired. Yesterday I fell downstairs and have broken a toe! I hadn't really realised quite how painful it was until bedtime when I couldn't sleep. I haven't had an official diagnosis but it is red and crooked, also when I fell I heard it snap so I am guessing it is broken. hey ho.

I was very tired. Having been in Belfast all week celebrating I then spent all day Saturday in Southall. As part of a module at Trinity John Corrie had arranged for us to visit St John's Church in Southall. We then visited the Hindu Mandir, the Sikh Gurudwara, and the Masjid. We had lunch in the Gurudwara. We then went on to visit A Rocha UK.

Seeing faithful people worshiping in their communities was a privileged but I found it strange and did not find myself making any spiritual connection to their worship. I am still taking the day in. It was quite full on and I have to say I was challenged by the experience. I wasn't disturbed or unsettled just strangely unmoved. The hospitality and welcome was remarkable and the food at the Gurudwara was great. Meeting all those new people, hearing what they believe, witnessing their worship, being in their places of worship has left me exhausted. hence my little accident.

It is difficult to reflect on it. A wedding in Belfast, a full on day in Southall and a little service in Foundation. I have to say I was so in need to a the Foundation little service last night. Time to reflect and meditate.

bristol

We are back. I had meant to blog about the wedding yesterday but I have a sore head and couldn't make my fingers type. I did try but to be honest it was a bit pathetic.

What a fantastic day we had. The morning was spent getting everyone ready and keeping flower girls still (they looked great but it was tricky making them sit and wait for the wedding to start - so giddy!). Emma looked so lovely. She is beautiful. Angela and Richard were so proud of her and Stephen. Belfast Castle is a great place for a wedding. It is on a hill so we got to kick back and watch the city and the Lough as it slowly starts to drift into night. But all afternoon the sun shone and we were able to be outside and enjoy ourselves. Richard and his band (Banter) played out on the lawn and the kids ran about until the photos needed to be taken (I will post some as soon as I have a chance to sort them out). Then we went inside for speeches and dinner. Both were great. We sat with Richard's sister Gwyneth and her husband Brian, Lynn and Brian, Maggie and Connor. Eva loved sitting next to Gwyneth who kept her entertained all thought the meal. Roast beef Yorkshire puds, all the veg you could eat, followed by a trio of lovely little sweet things.

Then we cleared the room, drank and chatted in the bar till the room was set up for dancing - and that is what we did for the rest of the night. Danced, went out on the balcony and watched the sun go down (and the big moon come up). The children kept going until the end, which is fantastic for a wedding. No tears (except poor Jack who caught is fingers in a door) and no bust ups.

We all had a fantastic day. And apart from Stephen coming down with a cold I think he and Emma really loved it. They looked like they did.

Mark, Eva, Joe Harriet and I got back into Bristol last night at 10pm. I was in bed by 11pm. But I am still really tired. I was there in body this morning at pastoral group prayers but part of me is definitely still in Belfast.

wedding

Well, today is the big day. The wedding is at 3pm and it feels like everyone is getting ready in the same house. Richard and Angela's house (Mark's mum and dad) is a buzz with excitement. All the small flowergirls (4) have gone to the hairdressers to have curls put in - don't know if it will last til 3pm. The big bridesmaids (3) are getting ready in one room and the rest of us (10) are moving from place to place trying to find mirrors etc. I am not. I am resting. Might even have a little doze before we all set off. A big car is coming at 2.30pm to put a lot of us in. I am not going in the big car - Eva is though. She is very excited.

Lat night (Liverpool's win against Chelsea) means that the boys are all very happy. So, what with the win, the sun and the general jovial mood it looks like it is going to be a lovely day.

bra

The underwire in my bra broke. I usually rely on Madam Foner in Liverpool for my underwear needs; So, a breakage in Belfast is a problem. Madam Foner can rewire bras, she also supplies very well fitted equipment so I am always reluctant to accept inferior products. However, needs must and I have been forced to buy a bra from Evans. I am not entirely happy with my purchase - but I really don't know what else I can do. I need a white bra to go with under my outfit for the wedding.

Other than my problems things are hotting up here - preparations wise. A large number of heart shaped biscuits have been baked and little things bought. There have been some comings and goings backwards and forward to the shops, Belfast Castle and other places relating to wedding preparations. Mark and I slept well at the B&B. I am going to see Nanny May soon (Eva's great Granny) and Mark is at the swimming pool with Eva. I am cooking dinner for everyone before the match tonight. So, it is all go here in Belfast.