mac make a big mistake - a gadget with unfortunate name

Cartoon by Dave Walker. Find more cartoons you can freely re-use on your blog at We Blog Cartoons.

clearing up

There is a lot to do at Loudon HQ. I have made a start today and managed to fill 4 bin bags and made some tough decisions about nick nacks! In addition I made some interesting phone calls to insurance companies to find out how much it is going to cost us to insure the car and house in Liverpool 6. I made some unpleasant discoveries: With my current providers the car insurance was going to go up £400 to £923 and the household £180 to £340. Now that is a steep increase from leafy Sea Mills to lovely Everton...and one that is at once shocking and is surely an injustice. No wonder poorer people don't buy insurance - they pay twice as much as the rich!

Anyway, I made a number of phone calls and managed to get some really good deals with Ecclesiastical Insurance who not only made good discounts for me as a curate but also gave a first policy discount and discount for taking out two policies. The saving was great but the price difference is still shocking.

I am going to sort out some more stuff, clean some more stuff, move bits and bobs about and make sure I get an early night. I am getting excited now about the move (only 3 sleeps left!!!!). The excitement has nearly beaten the fear.

fish quiche

I ate fish quiche accidentally last night and have been quite ill as a result. I am lying in bed trying not to move to quickly and eating a banana slowly. Unmarked food is always a danger at buffets but this one was a complete shock. I harmless looking asparagus quiche had something fishy in it and I took a bite. Admittedly it wasn't in my mouth for too long but nonetheless the harm was done and now I am suffering. If you remember all the way back to October 2006 I was poisoned by fish back then as well and blew up like a balloon. This time isn't as bad but I am taking no chances so have taken the day off and will read about the Anglican way of being church in preparation for my exam. Not the best day of my life but being here means I have taken delivery of a set of cutlery, a hat box and some knives ordered from ebay. Also a delivery from Lakeland. So, its not all bad!

jury service

I can;'t believe it but I have been called to jury service. The original date was slap bang in the middle of my exams and despite the fact that I told them I was moving to Liverpool and starting a new job in June they have given me a new date of 7th July! Seven days after I start my curacy! Really really very anoying.

I am appealing but the man on the phone wasn't hopeful at my chances of getting it moved again. Hey ho.

earache

...is what I have. Very annoying it is too. I haven't had earache for so long I had forgotten how painful it is and how much I want to get away from noise and chat - not great when have a block week going on and a conference to go to tomorrow. Hey ho.

Anyway, these two videos of my 'in laws' cheered me up today. This one is The Churchfitters - the band Mark's brother Topher is in:




This one is Mark's sister Ema and her now husband Stephen in a very blessed, but I am hoping ironic, video:

women and men

The difference is:
Women can't be Bishops...

I got an email today with the following press release from Women and the Church (WATCH). It made me feel a bit sad, but it doesn't surprise me.

"At the recent meeting of General Synod, members were told by the Chair of the
Legislative Drafting Group that it was “highly unlikely” that the vote on women
bishops would be taken by July 2010."

Thinking Anglicans covers the issue and there are some useful comments here.

It just feels like the Church of England isn't ready yet and even though that isn't really a good enough excuse I would rather the motion was truly successful at Synod than it be either rejected or just get through. I feel weak in the face of this reality and it makes me sick to think about inequality continuing. Meanwhile the (mostly) male Bishops of the world (though many aren't actually going) meet at Lambeth shortly and so many talented and capable women are still not welcome.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
...and, real men "p**s against the wall"
this is quote from the sermon below...(warning it contains reference to urination)


(thanks to Dave Walker and The Real Live Preacher for the link to this.)

How big is the universe?

This youtube video tries to explain. But, be warned it is big!




if that is too difficult to imagine Monty Python know a song about it that at least can cheer you up whilst your mind recovers from the stress of imagining big numbers.





I know it is very early on a Monday morning to be thinking about the size of the universe but it does put things in perspective and either you will be spurred on or stunned into inertia by imagining yourself so small. If you can bear to question deeper ask yourself where God is? Is your God big enough to care about all this or does your God only care about what the Arch Bishop of Canterbury might have said, or whether Gay people are welcome in church, or if women can be Bishops. Trying to see the bigger picture I'm guessing we might have missed the point.

count arthur strong 2

Tonight Mark and I are off to That London to see Count Arthur Strong at the Arts Theatre. This is Mark's birthday treat and we have been looking forward to it for ages. I really need to get away so I am very excited. I have had a very tricky week - Got an essay back and was disappointed with the mark, just feel like I am not getting much feedback on how I am getting on, feel a bit on the edge of things and have so much to do that it is a bit overwhelming. I know I have been here before and that it comes good in the end but this sort of spiritual burn out is very painful and I hate feeling disconnected from God. It creates a strong yearning and confusion. I understand how the Psalmist must have felt when he wrote Psalm 86:

Incline your ear, O Lord, and answer me,
for I am poor and needy.
Preserve my life, for I am devoted to you;
save your servant who trusts in you.
You are my God; be gracious to me, O Lord,
for to you do I cry all day long.
Gladden the soul of your servant,
for to you, O Lord, I lift up my soul.
For you, O Lord, are good and forgiving,
abounding in steadfast love to all who call on you.
Give ear, O Lord, to my prayer;
listen to my cry of supplication.
In the day of my trouble I call on you,
for you will answer me.


There is none like you among the gods, O Lord,
nor are there any works like yours.
All the nations you have made shall come
and bow down before you, O Lord,
and shall glorify your name.
For you are great and do wondrous things;
you alone are God.
Teach me your way, O Lord,
that I may walk in your truth;
give me an undivided heart to revere your name.
I give thanks to you, O Lord my God, with my whole heart,
and I will glorify your name for ever.
For great is your steadfast love towards me;
you have delivered my soul from the depths of Sheol.


If only David had Count Arthur Strong to cheer him up.

phd

I got a letter today from Liverpool University letting me know that my last submission date for my PhD will be March 2009. It seems so odd that having spent all summer writing a draft I now have to wait so long to get it in to them. A twinge of disappointment but to be honest I feel quite relieved as well. Over Christmas I realised that I had taken on to much and it was possible that my brain was going to explode if I kept on trying to put so much in and expect so much to come out in an ordered way. So, I will do a bit at my own pace for a while - just to keep it ticking over - then crack on when I am able to once I am ordained in June. hey ho.

wookey hole

Yesterday Mark, Eva and I went to Wookey Hole. I don't know if you have ever been to Wookey Hole? If you haven't I can recommend the caves but the 'theme park' is quite odd - don't go with a hangover or if you are grumpy. We didn't have hangover but we were grumpy and all irony had been left in Bristol which made the experience a bit tricky. Mark had been given free tickets but if I had spent £38 (the price of a family ticket) I would have been very disappointed.

We went to a circus show which was basic and although the clowns were good was a bit of a sham. The acts felt unrehearsed and lacked lustre. The staging was poor and production values almost non-existent. As I say the clowning and some of the skills acts were good but it felt that they had lost heart. Eva loved it though.

The caves were great, I hadn't been in a cave for years and they are pretty impressive. How they had managed to turn something of such natural beauty into something so ugly amazed me. As you some out of the caves you can no longer marvel at the way the water emerges from the rock face but instead are faced with giant plastic fake dinosaurs and tiny weeny follies. A remarkable decision to make and an example of why the earth should belong to everyone and not to a few bonkers developers with no aesthetic sense out to make money. I could only wonder at how long it would take for nature to take over again when the whole Wookey Hole fallacy falls apart?

perhaps if we hadn't been so grumpy, if we had been there earlier in the day, if we hadn't been taken round most of Somerset to get there we might have come at it from a slightly different perspective but I can't say it was an enjoyable day out. hey ho.

the weekend

Mark is feeling really rubbish and I am at the end of my energy levels. I can't believe we are feeling so knackered. Most of our recent arguments have been about who is going to say in bed longest and who is or isn't taking up the slack. Both too preoccupied and in survival mode to really take the other's burdens. So, getting to Saturday afternoon without some major bust up feels like medals need to be awarded.

Yesterday Eva and I went to the zoo with Andy Dix and Bill (his 18month old boy). We had a great time...I loved the penguins and the hippo's and we saw the seals being fed. You really could spend hours in the zoo just staring at the caged animals. When you go with a different person you get a whole new perspective on it. This time we spent a lot longer in the reptile house and aquarium. Eva was fantastic with Bill an they had a great time inspecting the animals and giggling at stuff that was almost impossible to find funny (but it somehow was). Eva is great with smaller children, she is so patient and kind, and finds them very amusing.

The thing I hate most about the zoo is that you can't leave without going through the gift shop. This half-term has cost me a fortune - partly because my will to say no to Eva's demands has been so low but also because I am constantly faced with toys, sweets and tat everywhere I go and it is made very difficult for me to say no. Anyway, I got away with buying some butterflies made of plastic (£1.50) so it wasn't too bad. they really sell some rubbish as well. Loads of nasty plastic stuff. hey ho.


Last night I went out with Jenny Low to a Fresh Expression - The Lighthouse in Hartcliffe, Bristol. It was very interesting to see how this group spends time together and talk about their faith. They meet once a week and share a meal they might watch a video or share stories. I really enjoyed spending time with them and hearing about the group and their individual concerns.

Today I took Eva to dancing then popped over to the New Place to a table top sale - Eva was give £5 and she spent the lot on a bag, make-up, small toys and jewellery. Mark and I had cheese and ham toasties and chatted to Emma, Charity and Tara. We then went on to the Shirehampton craft fare because I said I would have a look at some work that a woman from church had submitted. It was one too may chores for me today and I got very upset about a car pulling out in front of me. Just all a bit too much. So here I am back at home trying to explain why things aren't going as well as they might but not really finding any solutions. I guess I give these things to God, try my best not to let it spill over into my relationships with others and try to undo whatever it may be that is underlying all this anxiety.

Tomorrow we are off to Liverpool for a few days. Perhaps the break away from Bristol will do me good. Get a perspective on all this and shift it on. I hope so.

one end of the week, or the other.

It has been an interesting week of hearing about people's church leadership styles. There certainly is a lot of diversity in the church of England. I love diversity. I think is what makes life interesting but it seems to be something that the church is finding particularly difficult to deal with at the moment. In the course of the last year it feels like more and more groups of people, churches and types of churches have become more separatist in their approach. Rather than celebrating diversity in congregations it seems that many people have chosen to gather with like minded people and form what might be referred to as 'religious gangs'. This doesn't seem to me to be very useful in terms of offering an alternative to dominant world views. Anyway, I haven't been invited to the Lambeth Conference so I can't ask the Bishops what an earth is going on...But it feels like us little people are getting swamped by the BIG arguments of a few men. And now it appears that those who have been invited have the arrogance to turn the opportunity to talk about these issues down. How does that happen? How do people who are supposed to represent the diversity of the Anglican Communion get to the point where they think the can think it is ok to just not turn up to stuff like this? It beggars belief. I am taking a course at Trinity on Galatians and I have realised the intensity of Paul's feelings about the Jerusalem Church's hold on the early Christian Church. He was really cross (understatement) about how things were panning out in terms of their power and influence on the 'right' way to be Christian. He challenged this power and wrote very strong letters expressing his feelings. BUT he never stopped talking to those he disagreed with. He always kept up the dialogue.

Anyway, Dave Walker has drawn an amusing cartoon called 'Why everyone should go to the Lambeth Conference' - it takes the edge off the bitter taste...



Also Bishop Alan Wilson writes far more articulately about why he IS going to Lambeth.

By the way - if you are not a Christian and you have read this I am so sorry that we don't always offer you credible alternatives to world views. Please don't think that this is a fair representation of Christianity - Jesus is so much better than us, really honest.

not emerging, drowning

I have tried to come up for air
but it feels like someone has their foot on my head.
I keep gasping and waving but I think I am going under again.
If I swim like this --- I seem to keep afloat, but it is painful and not my stroke.
If I swim like this --- the foot goes back on again and I go under.

I am not emerging,
I am struggling.
I think I am drowning.

I am sitting in a pew with a sore bum.
I am trying to play nicely with boys.
I am trying to learn how to turn the machine on.
I am whispering into a yellow flower on a sandy beach.
I am not thin or pretty.
I am not softly spoken.
I am not very meek or mild.

I can see legs under the water.
They are kicking and kicking and not getting anywhere.
I wonder if I swim closer we could try and go up for air together?

car shock

yesterday the gear box and clutch went on my car. I am gutted. It is going to cost nearly £800 and it is a nightmare. Really could have done without this worry this week. I am so close to finishing up a chapter and it is very distracting. I am trying not to let it take over my mind and push on with stuff. Hey ho.

Anyway, Mark and I got our Rotas for Greenbelt and apart from one blip (when we are down to work at the same time - bit of a problem for Eva minding) all is well. I am starting to get excited now. We may be poor but we are very happy.

future of bold street

following my posting about Bold Street the other day you might be interested in a short film posted on the bold street blog about the future of Bold Street.



and an interesting new film by Kim Ryan. 'The Bolder They Walk' is a film set on Bold Street featuring Chris Bernard and Alex Cox, dressed as clergymen, who discuss art, culture and society as they take a walk along Bold Street. I wonder if them being dressed as clergymen is to critique religion or to provoke response in the passers by as they walk along Bold Street. I suspect it has something to do with their personal politics. They do discuss their faith at the end of the video. Very interesting take on folk religion, faith hope and love. I know John Davies walks down Bold Street, because he buys books from News From Nowhere - and he is a 'real' vicar. These two 'just like the costumes'.



Really missing home today. But not knowing when I can get back to visit. Hey ho.

big brother lament

I haven't been watching big brother this year. Just following news reports and seeing clips. Mainly because I have been busy but I have also I was a bit worried about being sucked into watching the BB world of shouting, bitching and manipulation.

Last night racism reared it's ugly head again and to be honest just reading about it makes me feel sad and demoralised. I am tired of hearing Endemol's excuses that broadcasting racist comments is ok because it means "people will be able to see with their own eyes that this is a problem that affects real people". If it is - then try to change it, don't emulate it!.

Lizzie Everard blogged about her Big Brother feelings the other day and I hadn't gathered an opinion at that point. Now, it is leaving a nasty taste in my mouth and making me feel like I want to be part of a vision for a better world not accept the nasty one we have reflected on BB.

This is an interesting article on the ethics of reality TV. Not that Endemol really have much interest in ethics...

blair and bush

first love



thanks to James for this.

Jerry Falwell

I read in the news today that Jerry Falwell has died. You can read his obituary here. It is tricky when someone that you have so many issues with dies. I didn't want him to die, but I have to say I did want him to stop speaking. His influence was uncomfortable and unpleasant. As a Christian I was embarrassed by him and felt resentful that I was often asked to justify why such men are allowed to have power and able to hijack Christ. I have no idea why he was able to say the things he said. You may be interested in some of his most memorable quotes - if so click under the picture of Jerry.

I have often tried to communicate with Jerry Falwell and ask him myself why he was so angry, so accusatory, and needed so much money. My last letter I posted here. But, I won't get a letter back from him now. I wonder if he is in heaven shouting at Jesus that the Antichrist is a Jew, that there is no such thing as global warning and that Tinky Winky was really gay?

ps As far as I know Tinky Winky has not denied being gay. His sexuality is not a problem for most of us. But for Jerry these things mattered.

Dream Lectio

Dream Lectio is back - having had a break over Easter. Back with a tricky apocalyptic bit from Matthew 24:15-22.

To be honest I am finding it hard to meditate on anything at the moment. The trouble with writing a PhD is that it gets into your head and doesn't leave very much room for anything else. All I can think about is how to explain my pedagogical approach to popular performance (the chapter I am working on at the moment). Yesterday I had a serious purge of this chapter (pulling 6,000 words out and placing them as appendices). Then went on to write a further 3,000. I was shattered by the end of the day (stopped at 10pm) and still didn't feel like I had achieved what I wanted. I am being a bit tough on myself at the moment. Perhaps it is the only way to keep going.

I am sure I will look back on this time and it will be a blur - even if this PhD isn't a success at least I will have known that I really pushed myself to make sense of it. Could do with another holiday though. Hey ho.

if there is a bandwagon in town

...then I am going to be on it. I have really enjoyed my 24hrs on Facebook. I have made lots of friends and have even poked 'the Canon'. But it is a distraction from the real task a hand...

I am trying to sort out my PhD so it actually looks like a PhD and not a load of words in no particular order. Thankfully (hopefully) my study mate Liz H is going to help me put it in an electronic form that is acceptable so I can send 'something like' a draft to Sara next week. I am getting a bit weak with all this reading and sorting. I feel like Cinderella when I hear about my Facebook friends having holiday fun. I am stuck at home making stuff up! Hey ho.